I know the task at hand was to write about something St Patrick’s Day, but having a German boy like my write about that would be like the CEO of McDonald’s writing about healthy eating…..
Now i have been taking into consideration that it’s been a nasty, stormy day….. barometric pressure has been bouncing up and down, Toothache and my meds are messing with me today so i am a tad manic but things i have been seeing have me in a state.
All this week all I have been seeing are social media, eCommerce and computer companies are just taking diarrhetics, washing it down with refried beans and Pepsi, pooping it into a bag and calling it “Updates” or Discontinue of Support.
I know what you are thinking. “When is the Time Machine gonna kill you?” or “Why will a Time Machine kill you?”
I guess i should elaborate. It wont be an actual Time Machine per say but it will be a bullet from an assassin. Because soon as a working one is built, ima gonna get in it and go back and fix some things. Things that corporations will not like. My money is on either Facebook, Microsoft or eBay. Twitter or some of these other useless things aren’t large enuf to have a “this situation has to be solved “off-book” divisions”.
I don’t know exactly how it’s gonna happen….. weather it’s a Phone Box or a Silver Sports car with a Mr Coffee Glued to the back of it or a Tunnel with a 60’s look to it or a Hot Tub or a Quantum accelerator or strip naked and get into a clear spiral but the second i try to approach one it’s almost a certainty i will feel some hot lead rip thru my flesh.
If the corporate assassin is good it will be a quick head shot.
[at least that’s what i am hoping for] Because if not, god help everyone if i get into one and press the “Start Button”
I know, i know…. “What would you do that is so bad that someone would have to drop a round into you to stop you from doing it?”
OH, for starters, i would end Twitter. Yup, sorry bored housewives that found a neat alternative from cheating on your husbands…. sorry Bi-sexual tweakers and random trend-followers, Twitter gets wiped.
IRC and MIRC will get the heads up that someone soon is going to come along, steal your idea, paint it pink, put pretty flowers and birds on it and make millions off of something that does nothing.
Actually i would go back a bit further first…… i would register or copyright or whatever it is to have sole ownership to the word “Hash-tag”. “#” is POUND SIGN….. not Hash-tag….if i could find a legal way to make people disappear like they were on a Malaysian Flight for using the word “Hash-tag” i would. Owning the rights is the weakest second way i can think of to squash that stupid word.
Once i got rid of two imbecile ideas in history i would drop every dime into eBay. Yup, i would find a way to have controlling interest in it. i would let history unfold pretty much the same way up until the point where it started to go sour. then i would unload the word that would not let it turn into the 112th Congress that it is now. That word is “NO”. The Voices Program would be much larger and diverse than it is now. The sellers program would be as level as the buyers program and anyone who use the word “Cassini” would mysteriously wind up on the side of a milk carton.
I could go on and on, but depending on the mode of Time Travel i would have notes.
Going back even further….. Would have controlling interest in Microsoft. Millennium would never happened. Vista would never have happened, XP would still have updates and their probably would be no service pack 3’s because releases would have to be tested better……. i’d let 98’s service packs slide and then use as a cautionary tale that 2K, XP and 7 will never need those unless your doctor advises that Unemployment is right for you.
I know…. i can smell it…. you are thinking again….
“But Post, if you do all these changes, we won’t be where we are at right now!”
Which is the point…… if you go hiking and you wandered off the trail into a sticker bush and thorn bushes and you have to go back to get on the nice, clean trail, wouldn’t you?